Glasgow Daily Times, Glasgow, KY


November 23, 2012

JAMES BROWN: Blackness not enough to stop real shoppers

GLASGOW — Let’s get this out of the way — I do not Black Friday shop. My wife comes from a family of women who would eat hot coals if necessary to ready themselves for the annual tradition and after midnight Friday, my wife indoctrinated our teenage daughter.

After my wife and I had spent a couple of hours standing in line at a local retailer (where they did a fantastic job of crowd control, in my opinion), she and the girl set off for that dark abyss known as Scottsville Road in Bowling Green. I’ve been on that road once when it was the day before the day before Christmas. The experience was chilling as we chugged along like a slow steamer powering up river from two miles before we got to the Ky. 231 exit off of Interstate 65. The “African Queen” moved with more deliberation than we did on that day and our romance was fully flowered, where it remains.

After the mother and her new pupil set off for the shopping center of southcentral Kentucky, I finished dinner (mind you, it was after the witching hour) and tried to sleep. Finally, after much wrestling with the covers, I faded away into that other abyss in which the Sandman lives.

At 6:30 Friday morning, long after the most durable and determined shoppers had fought for their favorite bargains, I awoke and found the mother/daugther Black Friday tandem was not home. Not to seem too worried, I waited for a while before finally sending a text to the daughter: “Are you still alive?” (Yes, I text in full words and sentences, usually.)

“I’m not,” she replied.

“How about your mom” (I sometimes forget proper punctuation.)

“She’s good.”

“Are you still in bowling green”

“We are about to go back to Glasgow.”

“Ok. I am getting ready for work”

“Okay. We will be hone with in the next hour.”

The conversation in a stack of texts concluded a little after 8 a.m. Friday.

The daughter has officially been initiated into the Black Friday Benton Women’s clan. Enjoy and thank you.

And now for something completely different.

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