Tue, Dec 02 2008
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Published September 26, 2008 10:53 am - A dear friend sends me the most interesting e-mails. Cosby would be straight-talk candidate By JERIANNE STRANGE Glasgow Daily Times A dear friend sends me the most interesting e-mails. Last week, I received one that was purportedly Bill Cosby’s platform to run as a write-in candidate.
In researching it, I determined that it is not Cosby’s platform. He is not running as a write-in candidate and did not author the proposed mandates. That’s a shame, because he would have had my vote. Actually, anyone I believed would truly adhere to the proposed platform would get my vote. In case you have not seen it, here it what is being proposed: (1) “Press 1 for English” is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can. (2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country’s attitude. No imports, no exports. We will use the giant retail policy of “If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’ (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100 percent import tax on it. (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border for six-month tours. They will be under strict orders not to fire on southbound immigrants. (5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put anything in, you won’t get anything out. Neither the president or any other politician will be able to touch it. (6) Welfare checks will be handed out on Fridays, after a 40-hour school week and the successful completion and passing of a drug test. (7) The first time a professional athlete tests positive for steroids, he or she will be banned for life. (8) We will adopt the Turkish method of criminal punishment: the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences. If someone is convicted of killing another, he or she will be put to death by the same method suffered by the victim: gun, knife, strangulation, etc. (9) One export will be allowed: Wheat, the world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil. (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, the American people will be asked if they want to donate to a disaster fund and each person can make the decision whether or not to donate. 
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