People stick to their bumpers

By BRAD DICKERSON
Glasgow Daily Times

GLASGOW June 12, 2007 12:35 pm

— There are roughly 14,000 people living in this city and I feel privileged to know a great many of them.
Still, there are several whom I’ve never met in my entire life, yet still know a thing or two about them.
How can this be, you might ask? Is it a psychic ability that would rival some of the characters on “Heroes?” Is it my intuitive journalistic insight and investigation? Is it because I’m going around at night and looking into neighbors’ windows (I’ve probably freaked more than a few of you out with that crack)!
In fact, it’s none of these ... so breathe easier about that latter comment. Instead, I simply read the bumper stickers on the backs of your vehicles.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is no better way to learn about a complete stranger’s personality or tastes than to take a quick gander at their car art.
There’s a Nickelback sticker in your back window? I’m going to deduce you may own one or two of their CDs, have seen them in concert or just posses a really bad taste in music (of course, that’s the pot calling the kettle black ... I’m a closet Bon Jovi fan).
Three years later and you’re still sporting a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker? I’ve got a pretty good idea of who you voted for in 2004 and that you may be a registered Democrat.
You cruise around with a sticker that proclaims your child is an honor student at such and such academy? Well, you’re probably mighty proud of their accomplishments.
Then there is the yin to that decal yang; those who drive around with a logo proclaiming “My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student.” Sorry, but you just have bad taste ... and a slightly sadistic sense of humor that I cannot totally disagree with.
The problem with bumper stickers is that, while most are humorous, they really can paint an unflattering picture.
In essence, they are the equivalent of the over-the-top posters that adorn many college dorm rooms.
Sure, they’re good for a belly laugh, but how many people would take a late 20s-early 30s person seriously if they entered the individual’s home to find a poster listing 50 excuses to party? (You unjammed the copying machine? Off to the bars!)
The same applies to bumper stickers. Behind the wheel of a hypothetical Ford Mustang could be an intelligent business executive with a great marriage, wonderful children and a respectability within the community.
However, you probably wouldn’t think that if you were behind said imaginary person and reading a bumper sticker proclaiming “I Love Animals ... They Taste Delicious!”
So, if you choose to decorate your cars with logos or bumper stickers, make sure you’re really out to make a particular statement.
You never know what motorist may lurk in the background, silently forming an opinion that may not be warranted.
Brad Dickerson is a staff writer for the Daily Times. He can be reached at bdickerson@glasgowdailytimes.com