FRANKFORT

Okay, you’ve got out-of-state Derby guests who are nursing hangovers and asking you to explain Kentucky government and politics.

Good luck.

Distract them. Direct their attention to the wonders of spring in Kentucky. Talk of redbuds and dogwoods and give them some hair of the dog, both to ease their pain and to dull their curiosity about Steve Beshear, Jody Richards and David Williams.

If they persist, talk about Kentucky’s political history. Start with James Mulligan’s poem, IN KENTUCKY, which concludes: “The landscape is the grandest – and politics – are the damndest in Kentucky.” Entertain them with the story of William “Boss Bill” Goebel, who lost the 1899 race for governor, was shot on the old capitol grounds and then sworn in as governor on his death bed. Proceed to Thomas Rhea and Happy Chandler and Kentucky’s first and only run-off primary. Explain the development of the Rhea/Earle Clements and Chandler wings of the Kentucky Democratic Party, making Kentucky a two-party state even before Mitch McConnell raised Republicans to respectability and relevance.

Don’t confuse them with the races for Senate John Sherman Cooper won and lost between 1948 and 1956. (If you must get into that, be sure to remind them Cooper helped pass the 1964 Civil Rights Act and had a young intern named Mitch McConnell. Both facts might come in handy later.)

Tell them about the interminable speech Bert T. Combs gave at the 1955 Shelby County Fair, the one that began and ended his campaign against Happy Chandler, who told voters to “be like your Pappy and vote for Happy.” Yes, him again. (Tell them Chandler was baseball commissioner when Jackie Robinson joined the Dodgers, that in his second term Chandler sent the National Guard to enforce desegregation of schools in Union and Webster counties. But be careful. That could lead to questions Chandler’s use of a racial slur in his old age and the reaction to his grandson Ben Chandler’s endorsement of Barack Obama.) You can remind them Chandler stood as a favorite son candidate at the 1956 Democratic national convention and that Mike Barry responded with this: “Any time Chandler is referred to as Kentucky’s favorite son, it should be made unmistakably clear the sentence is incomplete.”

Chandler was involved again in races for governor in 1963 – he lost to Ned Breathitt in the primary – and 1967 when he helped elect Republican Louie B. Nunn. Tell your guests how Nunn almost became president. (Richard Nixon is said to have discussed naming Nunn as his vice presidential running mate at the 1968 Derby. If true, and if Nunn had accepted, he instead of Gerald Ford would have assumed office when Nixon resigned.) Tell them Nunn instead raised the sales tax and never won another election. Tell them about Nunn’s brother, Lee, the only member of Nixon’s 1972 Committee to Re-Elect the President (deliciously called CREEP) who was never charged with a crime.

Tell them about McConnell’s 1984 hound dogs that brought down Dee Huddleston and remind them McConnell is now Republican leader in the U.S. Don’t bother with the $14 million Bruce Lunsford spent to be governor or why he thinks he can defeat McConnell. Avoid Tina Conner, Ernie Fletcher or Beshear. In fact, I’d advise that after about 1967, you just ply guests with more mint juleps, talk about horses and basketball and let it go at that.

Ronnie Ellis writes for CNHI News Service and is based in Frankfort. He may be contacted by e-mail at rellis@cnhi.com.