Published: May 06, 2008 02:48 pm            

Finding their balance

Parents grapple with tough decisions for son, needs of whole family

GLASGOW — When Carter Wise was just 6 months old, his mother Heather noticed a bulge in his side while giving him a bath. Her instincts told her that something was wrong and she took Carter straight to the doctor.

“When I saw the pooch in his side, something just didn’t look right to me,” Heather Hood Wise said.

Within the week, Carter was sent to Kosair Children’s Hospital in Louisville. On October 16, 2007, he was diagnosed with stage four neuroblastoma – a rare form of cancer of the sympathetic nervous system.

Of the 650 new cases diagnosed each year, 50 percent are found in children 2 years old or younger.

Carter had surgery to remove his adrenal gland. Unfortunately, the cancer had already spread to his liver and bones.

Three more surgeries have been performed since October, the latest on April 24.

“The last surgery was performed to place a port,” Heather said. The port, used for injections, chemotherapy and to draw blood, will allow Carter to live a little more normally and enjoy everything that little boys do, including time in the swimming pool.

Carter has a three-day round of chemotherapy administered every 21 days.

Heather and her husband, Max, have relied heavily on their faith in God and the support of family and friends to make it through the trials they have faced.

“We pray and try to do whatever we can to live as normal a life as possible,” Heather said. “My husband and I struggle all the time with decisions we have to make. We ask ourselves, ‘How can you put a child through surgery? How can you put a child through chemotherapy?’”

They have received encouragement from doctors and nurses at Kosair Children’s Hospital and from strangers who have reached out to them.

“We get letters and e-mails from people that we don’t even know,” Heather added. The Wise family keeps a journal that gives frequent updates on Carter’s condition at www.caringbridge.org.

Caring Bridge is a free organization that helps families keep in touch about their seriously ill children.

“I am always surprised at just how much help and support there is out there,” Heather said. “These are things I didn’t know about before we faced this ourselves. There are so many great organizations out there willing to do things for families who are struggling with cancer.”

The Wises are thankful for the help and prayers they have received and know that it has made all the difference.

“Juggling everything can be very hard,” Heather said. “Carter’s needs come first, then the other children, our relationship, our careers and so on. We just try to keep things as balanced as we can, but it isn’t easy.”

The day in October when Carter was diagnosed was also the day that Heather’s pediatric dentistry office opened in Campbellsville. Aside from demanding careers, Max and Heather have also had the daunting task of explaining Carter’s condition to their other children.

Grayson, 4, and Jackson, 3, have asked their parents questions that are hard to answer.

“Carter is so young that he doesn’t really know what he is suffering through,” Heather said. “I think that it’s a good thing that he is unaware that what he is going through isn’t normal. We have explained everything to Grayson and Jackson. Grayson being the oldest has asked us lots of questions. She asks us all the time if Carter is going to be OK.”

Carter’s siblings have offered their unwavering support to their baby brother.

In March, the family took part in a St. Baldrick’s Day event. St. Baldrick’s is a fundraising organization started in 2000 that has raised millions of dollars for pediatric cancer research.

“Max and Jackson and other men in the family planned to have their heads shaved that day,” Heather said. “I never thought that my daughter would want to have her head shaved too, but once we got there she asked if she could. I was afraid that after she had it done she would regret it, and I told her that once her hair was gone, we couldn’t put it back.”

Grayson, however, was determined to show her support. Later that afternoon, Heather took Grayson to get her ears pierced and was surprised by the comment her daughter made the next morning while getting dressed for school.

“She said, ‘Mom, do you think anyone will notice my pink earrings?’ It really puts life in perspective for you. It’s just hair.”

For Heather, the hardest part is realizing that there is very little she can do to make it all better.

“When I have to watch my child suffer and I know that it’s out of my control and there isn’t a lot I can do, it is hard. I am a planner and there was no way to plan for this,” she said.

The family celebrated Carter’s first birthday in March.

“He’s your average healthy, happy little boy,” Heather said. “People look at him and don’t know that he’s sick. They just think he doesn’t have any hair yet.”

It’s important to the Wise family that Carter gets to live the life of any rowdy little boy with an indomitable spirit.

At the same time, his dad thinks of his youngest child in a special way.

“He’s my little super hero,” Max Wise said. “He’s going to grow up and be something great.”

        

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